As you may know from my constant honesty, I’m both a naughty girl on the outside and a true romantic at heart on the inside. Well mostly, apart from the fact I might easily be naughty through to my core.
Anyway, because of this, I am in love, and in lust, all the time it seems. I can get a crush on someone the moment I meet them, not every single person mind you, but the ones I fancy, and I literally have to hold myself back at those moments.
Some might say this type of impulsive behavior can be dangerous, and I have a friend (who incidentally also shares the same name as my therapist and also practices herself) who agrees. She says, yes Olivia, it is risky, but I want to know the details, you naughty woman, (sh*t now I’m writing this out, it seems a little worse than in my own head!).
I want both love and lust and why not? It is part of who I am.
All my seχual lust and heart warming feelings I use and put into my writing, it’s drives me to the point where I am at my best. When I read back what I have written in this state of mind, I find that it hits the right mark.
An often side effect to this is too many ideas all at once, and the result is a jumbled mess of half stories and incomplete chapters.
Basically, I’m all over the place, and I’m spending a great deal of my time trying to organize and piece together all the little bits into some sort of order. Not unusual for me I have to say. I sometimes write in part and then come back to these raw drafts and add them to stories later on. Right now I just have so many areas which are not melding together just yet.
I’m not complaining about my situation, I am just a little unsettled, and I know why and what’s coming.
Two worlds converge!
Jane is leaving the army in less than a week, and I have urges which are untamed and not understood at this time. She is leaving and not going back, this time she is here to stay and I am both excited and nervous. I have spoken with Hugo about this in person and for hours over the phone lately, but he is more than okay with us being together as a permanent item. “Yeah, you’ll just love the seχ us three are going to have my man? Just breathe, enjoy and live”, he tells me.
I wish I had his level of confidence, for one he knows he’ll never lose me to another man (maybe just overnight) and having two women at his command gives a man a certain heightened poise which can only be described as a certain ‘je ne sais quoi.‘ Which makes me want him even more.
Jane wants us to travel a little in her first month of freedom and go on a road trip together. I’ve allowed her 2 weeks. She wants us to revisit all my close intimate friends from the past and pick up loose women. All the stories I have shared with her from my past she wishes for us to repeat together. I’m up for it, but I just hope she doesn’t turn this into some Thelma and Louise type production.
Yeah, I’ve had a time in my life when I was wild and free, back when I lived back in London and knew the scene and where to safely go. Paris and Amsterdam were just a short plane hop, and I knew where I was going and what party to be at.
Today’s world is a little different, and in the five years since then, things have changed. Two women on their own can be dangerous, I know this from experience and what can happen when you push it too far. Neither one of us can be trusted to stop when we should. I’m now walking a fine line of where my heart is saying one thing and my pure lust is telling me to go get what we both want and with a woman I would do anything for. She wants more, and I’m the one to lead her to it.
The unknown too!
She told her parents about us, not about Hugo which I might have expected, but about her girlfriend, me. In other words, and in her family’s world, who she just came out to you’re told, you may want this type of lifestyle but can’t have it, you should suck it up and get married to a man and keep the status quo.
I understand what she is going through with her family, mine is exactly the same, and if my mother knew I was more into women than men, she would literally faint and just like you would see in an old black and white movie. And if my mother knew what I’d turned her other daughter into she would have a freaking meltdown.
Jane came out of the closet in full sprint, she’s been held back and wanted it all and right now. Can I blame her? No! Is she in the right relationship right now? Hell yeah. She wants action, and she’s got it in me, the army trained her, and now I’m going to enjoy her.
Can I live up to her expectations? Who knows. Is this making me nervous? Oh my God yes, that and the fact we are traveling to London, and I’m sure I’ll be presented to her parents who don’t even know she’s been tattooed. Oh, sh*t!
I’ll let you know how we get on. Be warned, I might only tell you the juicy bits!
Never typically wanting life to be ordinary, Grace realizes that the all too familiar running away is not an option.
Deep down she wants someone in her life. With the mysterious market stranger exchanging meaningful looks and her best friend pledging her undying love, she must move on with her life. But which way to turn?
She has too many secrets in her life, and as her past catches up with her, events come to a climax. A decision needs to be made!
The freedom to do as she pleases has only brought more loneliness, and with those who may soon rely on her reappearing, the decision might well be out of her hands.
I’ve never lived an ordinary life, it’s just not in me. My sister has other ideas as she comes to terms with her own forced reality and no longer tolerates my inaction revealing our family’s secrets. She is a constant reminder of who I could have been. She is my strength and guide to opening the closed doors of our past. “The truth will triumph,” she reminds me.
My parents have plenty to hide which seems to be a family habit, and questions lead not to answers but further questions. As I back slide under the avalanche of mounting difficulties, most of which live just beneath the surface, inside my head, I wonder whether the whole truth can ever see the light of day?
Admittedly, I have too many open loops, instabilities and far more than enough temptation to fill two lives.
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