London, the home town Jane and I share. I should have told her it would be hard coming out to her parents, leaving the army and taking a girl home for the first time all in one week. She was so determined I just couldn’t get in her way and had to be content with just being there to catch her if she fell.
It was tough going, and I’m still waiting to see if the shock waves go as far as to touch my own relative home circle. So far, Jane’s family want to keep it under wraps, and I dread telling my sister about this one, she’s paranoid our mother is going to find out she is a slut, like me. We should live the life we choose, good and bad and support the ones we love.
London went by in the blink of an eye anyway, and the next stop was Amsterdam. I’d made calls in advance and had us staying in the center of the hot zone as I like to call it for Jane’s sake. I took note of her wants, and after the first four days of vacation, so far as I knew, she needs to blow off some very hot steam, despite her army training. The words of ‘Issues’ (I’ve got issues) by Julia Michaels echo through my mind as I think of us two and I wonder what Hugo thinks he has in store for the future keeping us two under control? Lucky bugger!
Amsterdam is one of my favorite playgrounds of an earlier time. Most of the regulars I knew who lived there have moved away, leaving just a few die-hards for me to call on for guidance. We’d already changed our living hours with partying till dawn and sleeping until midday. Temporary, I told myself every moment I saw my own reflection as if to convince someone who wasn’t interested in hearing it.
I love gay men, especially the fun ones who’ll dress up and party like they don’t give a cr@p about the rest of the world, not until after lunch that is. So, this is where we started, the best Drag Clubs were on our crawl list, and we had a side bet we couldn’t convert at least one guy to the pink side. Not just any push over mind, we had rules to make it worth the effort. Anyway, that is another story for another day.
Next, Jane wanted a private dancer and one she could get involved with. Seeing my two striρρer friends back home had given her the same addiction I have, and I gladly took part. We hired a private room, and two willing striρρers, arranged by a trusted friend, well more than a friend and a close one Jane wanted to meet. It was hot, so hot all five of us were naked in no time. *** WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THIS HAS BEEN DEEMED TO HOT FOR EMAIL!
Next up, we hit an all-girls dance club, and it took me by surprise. Wow! The place was packed, how things had changed. Still drunk on the champagne from our last venue, Jane went to work on seeing how many girls she could kiss in one night. I lost count as I’m sure she did. We were having fun, and for once she was leading me astray.
After we left the club and as we were trying to be quiet, the most romantic thing happened and I knew instantly how Jane really felt about me. A gunshot rang out from somewhere close in the city and Jane pushed me into a corner and put herself between me and the sound of gun fire like I was a princess under her own personal royal protection and without thought for her own safety. I am sure seeing it from the outside it didn’t appear quite like that, but to me, I melted right there and then and knew she must love me as much as I loved her.
After Amsterdam, we moved on to Paris, where I borrowed a friend’s luxury apartment right in the center. In exchange, all he wants is my place during the Monaco Grand Prix, which I think is more than a fair deal.
We slowed our pace a little, and I took her to the best clubs I knew, and we dined before in the early evenings at an out-of-the-way boîtes where I’d booked in advance. We took in the real atmosphere of the city in all its glory. Every single moment a memory. With each second passing, I wanted to tell her all. Every look we share reinforced our love.
On our last night, we took it easy. I had a question for Jane, and I wasn’t sure how she would respond. She talked about getting a place in Nice (my now home town in the South of France), so we could be close and was making inroads into making this a reality, but I wanted her closer still. I longed for her to be next to me each morning when I woke. That and the fact I needed her there whenever Hugo came home. I didn’t want him getting ideas about going anywhere else when on leave from the army.
The bubble bursts. Totally overwhelming for her I’m sure.
She said no, well a maybe she would think about it, but it sounded like a soft no. She didn’t want to be kept. She insisted on pay half for everything, everywhere we’d go, and she wants to do it her way, and I could respect her choice. I know the limits, and we are only just getting to know each other. Me, I fall in love at the drop of a hat, but Jane needs more time. Still, I have her staying at my place until she gets her own. I can always insist on having a say on her new accommodation, and I can be extremely fussy.
I’ll keep you updated on how and when I get my own way.
Never typically wanting life to be ordinary, Grace realizes that the all too familiar running away is not an option.
Deep down she wants someone in her life. With the mysterious market stranger exchanging meaningful looks and her best friend pledging her undying love, she must move on with her life. But which way to turn?
She has too many secrets in her life, and as her past catches up with her, events come to a climax. A decision needs to be made!
The freedom to do as she pleases has only brought more loneliness, and with those who may soon rely on her reappearing, the decision might well be out of her hands.
I’ve never lived an ordinary life, it’s just not in me. My sister has other ideas as she comes to terms with her own forced reality and no longer tolerates my inaction revealing our family’s secrets. She is a constant reminder of who I could have been. She is my strength and guide to opening the closed doors of our past. “The truth will triumph,” she reminds me.
My parents have plenty to hide which seems to be a family habit, and questions lead not to answers but further questions. As I back slide under the avalanche of mounting difficulties, most of which live just beneath the surface, inside my head, I wonder whether the whole truth can ever see the light of day?
Admittedly, I have too many open loops, instabilities and far more than enough temptation to fill two lives.
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